i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
