4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
