I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
