he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
