Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
