i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't deserve a penis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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