i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
