Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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