I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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