clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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