How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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