It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
