Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
