Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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