so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
