swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
