He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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