How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
