Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
