the condom got lost in my hair
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
