I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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