i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
