I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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