The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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