And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
