sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
