eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
