Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
