Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
