he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
