he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
