Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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