Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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