I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
