make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
