im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
