He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
