just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
