you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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