i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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