thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
