I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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