So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
