Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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