i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
