Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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