she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
