I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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