We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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