Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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