i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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