Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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