we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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