Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
