Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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