matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
