You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
