I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
