god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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