I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
