Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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