god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
