do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
